My Companion Constantly Wants to Talk On Her Own Life: Should I Cut Her Off?

I have been friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome many challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she's often blindsided by people. Her husband left her, which came as a massive blow. A lot of her social circle drifted away then, because they seemed drawn to him. This surprised her. She put in more effort to be my friend, and must have grasped better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each retired leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I open discussion points and she changes the talk toward what interests her. Politically, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest factchecking or other angles.

She's been planning a trip to a country I've visited on several occasions and lived in for some time. I attempted to offer insights, but this was not welcomed. She purely only wanted my agreement with her decisions. I have come back from a month there and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role that walks away without explanation, however, I feel she can understand the impact of her actions on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it with a view to a solution demands strength and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially requires explaining how things go when you talk. It should be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Next is to tell the way it makes you feel. There should be no disagreement here. Your feelings belong to you, of course. Finally is to question ways you together can shift the pattern in your relationship."

Remember that she also has her own side, so you need to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to listen without interrupting for a set time."

Closing Considerations

This person might reject all you say, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version of their life they cannot release as it feels essential is tied to it and it represents familiar to them. It's tough as there is no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present this way then consider about what you've said. If you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have satisfaction that you've been open and direct.